


Summer in the Borderlands

by ScarfyTheShipster



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Gen, M/M, More tags to follow as I add more fics!, One Shot Collection, Summer, gaigel, jackothy, rhack - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-03 03:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10958991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarfyTheShipster/pseuds/ScarfyTheShipster
Summary: Sports, shenanigans, ships, and more!A set of summer themed one shots with various characters for the BLSummerBingo challenge on tumblr! Putting them in one place seemed convenientOut of courtesy characters will not be listed in tags, but each oneshot will have more details in the summary! Only ships that have fic in this collection will be listed under ships





	1. LIVE at Courtside!

As fun or as stressful as Vault Hunting could be, everyone needed a break sometime. Jack knew Tim and Claptrap sure did, and even Wilhelm could use a refresh once and awhile. That, and he'd gotten shockingly positive reactions to suggesting they play a ball game.

"Oh YES!" shouted Athena. 

Wilhelm cracked his knuckles. "In the memory of my man Dunks Watson, I'll crush my opponent."

Aurelia solemnly crossed her heart. "For Dunks Watson."

Claptrap leapt in the air. "YEAH! I'm a born champion."

Nisha and Tim high fived each other and yelled, "ONE HUNDRED TEN PERCENT!"

Jack stared at them, mouth open. He'd got a net and court all set up on Elpis, but didn't think he could even get three of them to go. "Uhhhh, wow? You guys are all sporty, huh? I uh. Can't relate. But I thought it'd be good to stop the firefights for a couple hours. Come with me."

They'd be playing in low gravity, which was the fun part. Jack proudly showed off his net and large court on the moon, completely cleared except for an oxygen generator. "You guys ready for some fun?" Jack picked up a volleyball and tossed it, barely catching it as it flew far higher than he expected.

Enthusiasm drained out of their faces and Wilhelm was the first to speak. "Where the hell is the basketball hoop?"

"What? It's volleyball, guys!"

Athena scowled. "Basketball is the ONLY worthy sport."

[[MORE]]

Claptrap even seemed to make a face, his voice full of disappointment. "Basketball is life! I can't play whatever this is, it sucks too much!"

Jack groaned. "Listen up kiddos, I only have a friggin' VOLLEYBALL net, so this is what we're gonna play! It's popular! Everyone from Tantalus to Pandora loves it."

Aurelia sniffed with distain. "Basketball has higher ratings." 

Violence was the only option. Jack chucked the ball hard at Aurelia and Nisha and Tim laughed as she groaned. Aurelia threw it back at Jack much harder, everyone else laughing as it hit his head. "Fine! We'll play your proletarian game!"

"Geez, sports snobs." Jack demonstrated how to hit the ball. "You'll want to hit it over the net without it touching the ground. No catching. It can bounce a total of three times before going over the net. Questions?"

Tim raised his hand. "Why do you have such terrible taste? How can I impersonate a man who hates b-ball, the best sport in the galaxy?"

Jack snorted. "God, can you shut up? Just try volleyball? What the hell is with you people and basketball? You know what?" he said abruptly, cutting them off from ranting about basketball. "I don't care. Wilhelm, Claptrap, and Athena versus Nisha, Aurelia, and off brand me." 

The event seemed like it was going to fall apart. Jack just wanted his staff to feel appreciated. Just as he was thinking he should've settled with strobe lights and alcohol, Wilhelm shoved Tim. "Sworn enemies on the court. Get ready for my team to END you," he growled.

Jack thought he might need to jump in and save Tim, thinking him too meek and shy to stand up to Wilhelm. Tim rolled his eyes and grabbed the ball. "Bring it on, bitches."

For all their complaining, they were passionately competitive. Jack tossed the ball to Athena. "Your serve." 

"HYA!" she yelled. The ball soared over and Wilhelm punched it, making the almost weightless ball zoom through the air. 

"Holograms active!" Tim's Digi-Jack's appeared and they went after the ball eagerly.

Jack waved his arms. "Woah! Hey! That's cheating! Can't I take you people anywhere?"

Wilhelm grinned. "Wolf and Saint, go to work!" His drones spawned and soon the volleyball game was a half melee fight between holograms and drones and Athena's shield flying through the air. Athena's shield clipped the netting as Nisha shot at the ball, just grazing it so it flew back over the net. Claptrap darted around, head butting the ball when he could.

Jack was hoping to referee, but it was far too chaotic. He watched as the vault hunters shouted and destroyed the net and all resemblances of order, eventually landing on each other. One minute later and Tim was on the ground trying to bite Claptrap as Aurelia chased Athena around in circles, only Wilhelm and Nisha actually playing over the tatters of a net. Wilhelm hit the ball hard and it knocked Nisha's hat off, making her almost lose the ball as she dived to grab her hat, she kicked it back over with lightening reflexes and caught hm by surprise, laughing as it barely slipped through him and his drones. "WE WON! HA!"

"Actually," said Jack. "That wasn't a game. That was one very long round." He gestured sadly to his net and deflated ball. "Come on guys. Why did you have to ruin my stuff?"

"You're rich enough to buy another," pointed out Athena. She dusted moon sand off of herself. "I think I like volleyball."

"Hardcore," agreed Wilhelm. 

"Basketball is better," complained Claptrap, getting Tim off of him. 

Jack sighed. "Well, glad you guys had fun, I guess."

"Hell yeah!" exclaimed Tim. "Next time, we'll do it on fire!"

"With kraggons on the field!" added Aurelia. 

Wilhelm supported Tim as he limped with a hurt ankle. Jack would be lying if he said he wasn't relieved Wilhelm didn't actually want to hurt Tim. They chatted like best friends with each other and Tim even playfully shoved him.

Maybe it worked out after all. "If I didn't know better, I'd say all of you were from Pandora." Jack shrugged. "Anyone want some beers and disco balls? Cool off after your game? I could even order some Moxxtails for everyone."

The six of them cheered and Jack felt like he finally said something right. Nisha walked beside him and asked, "Did we play it right?" She was still fussing with her hat, trying to smooth her hair down and angle it just right. 

"No." Jack laughed, wondering why he thought anything like a sport could be normal in a place like Elpis or Pandora. "You improved it."


	2. Summer Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhys/Vaughn for prompts stargazing and popsicles

Summer day, summer night- it didn't matter. Any time for Rhys was ice cream time. He woke up at 1 AM and licked his lips, thirsty and craving something sweet. He carefully padded into the caravan kitchen and opened the freezer, pulling out a drakefruit popsicle and jumping as he closed the door. "Vaughn!"

Vaughn was right behind the freezer door, looking at Rhys with endearment. "You know what time it is? And you want sweets?"

"I'm an adult!" exclaimed Rhys defensively. He still looked around to see if anyone but them were awake. Athena, who was driving, looked back at them and rolled her eyes. Saaha and Fiona were asleep. "It's hot out. Pandora doesn't know how to cool off."

The caravan was well built after Scooter repaired it, but the Pandoran sun was intense. Even with fans and cold water, it was miserable during the day. Rhys was used to air conditioning and perfect climate control. The road trip was who knew how long, and he wanted some relief.

"True, true." Vaughn yawned. "Want to go up on the roof? Don't need to wake Sasha or Fiona."

[[MORE]]

"Yeah," said Rhys, not wanting to get caught eating more popsicles than his share. ('They tried to kill us, so what?' would he his defense if anyone called him out.)

"Stars look different down here, don't they?" Rhys lounged on his back, content. The breeze felt good, ruffling his hair as he finished the popsicle.

Vaughn settled next to Rhys, also looking up. "They're prettier." His hand was in Rhys's, casually together. Rhys smiled at him and Vaughn grinned. "You got some drakefruit juice like, right here." He kissed Rhys's mouth and Rhys sighed happily. "Bit more here," he teased, kissing Rhys again, licking at juice stains on his lips. They softly kissed each other, finally alone and able to relax.

From a mix of overwork and Vaughn's natural personality, Rhys didn't get to see him so carefree very often. He took advantage and hugged Vaughn, running a hand through his hair as they kissed. "Can't wait to be rich with you. Chilling on our own climate controlled beach."

"You're gonna air condition the whole beach? You know how impractical that is?"

Rhys made a face. "Okay fine. I'll compromise. On our own miserably hot beach, with the biggest cooler ever full of ice cream." 

"And expensive alcohol?" asked Vaughn hopefully. "And gelato! The best Italian ice cream for you. Maybe some designer swimsuits, if those are a thing."

"All that and more." Rhys stroked Vaughn's face gently. "And the stars will look even more beautiful from there. Promise." 

As it was, the sky was already bright with streaks of light. Rhys had to admit Pandora was nicer from a distance, though. Rakk hives weren't visible from space, yet.

Vaughn rolled off of Rhys to curl up beside him, also looking up at the night sky. Elpis and Helios looked so small. The cutthroat atmosphere of Hyperion felt far behind them, even if Pandora kept them on their toes. "I feel lucky to have you, out of everyone who wanted you."

Rhys felt himself squirm from the compliment, but had to laugh. "You mean like, three people? Come on, I've always been a nerd. I'm even worse than you! You think party and think of alcohol like a normal person, and I think of Handsome Jack's ice cream face on a stick." 

"Okay, but that's like three people more than I got."

"Uhhhh, can you even math?" Rhys poked Vaughn in the head. "I wanted you. So maybe I had like, two people. But it doesn't matter, cause I'm with you now. That's what's important. Right?"

Rhys wished Vaughn didn't have such low esteem. Then again, in an environment where everyone was trying to one up the other, he supposed it was expected. Didn't mean Vaughn wasn't perfect to Rhys just the way he was.

Vaughn was soothed. "Okay, you're right." He traced the lines on Rhys's cybernetic arm. "What flavor were those ice cream faces? Vanilla?"

"Peanut butter," said Rhys wistfully. "They also had limited edition blueberry, with his vault scar on them. I ate like, at least one every day."

"More like three."

"Yeah that's true." 

They were quiet for a few minutes, enjoying the view. Rhys tenderly hugged Vaughn close. "You're more than my boyfriend." He kissed the top of Vaughn's head. "You're my best friend."

Vaughn sighed with relief. "Thought you were gonna say bro-friend."

"You ruined the moment."

"You've said it before!"

"Not while romantically gazing at the stars!"

While they bantered, Sasha quietly arranged the freezer so everything would fall out on Rhys the second he tried to open it. She watched Rhys take one, but wanted a more subtle revenge. "Frozen lump of skag will teach him a lesson," she muttered, slamming the trap shut.

The next morning, Rhys wasn't the one to open the freezer. Fiona tiredly reached in for a popsicle of her own and yelled as the solid chunk of skag meat hit her foot, along with trays of ice and boxes of other food. "RHYS!"

"Why do you always blame ME?!" 

"Because it's always your FAULT!"

"Why would I do that?"

"Everyone knows you eat all the popsicles!" 

Athena and Sasha exchanged a glance and Sasha hid her mouth behind her hand. Athena sighed. "You people are terrible. I'm glad I'm traveling the world with you."


	3. A Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going to the fair, lemonade, and Kite flying! 
> 
> Gaige/Angel, fluff

Angel could hardly remember what being carefree was really like. She followed Gaige through the small fair, gazing at vendors and games with wonder. Everything was vividly bright and competing for her attention, unlike the walls of the bunker she'd been stuck in. It smelled like all sorts of sweet and savory foods thrown together, but she still found it pleasant. Bandit kids were running around, finally being allowed to enjoy themselves. It was adjacent to a grassy park, perfect for sports and games.

The last time she was in such a place was almost a decade prior-

Jack was handing her a kite handle, carefully pressing it into her hands as he knelt behind her. "Don't unreel it too fast, okay? Nice and easy."

"Okay!" Angel turned around to smile at Jack, missing a couple baby teeth. Jack kissed her cheek and apologized as his glasses poked her, laughing and holding her kite steady as the wind picked up. 

He'd built the butterfly kite himself. It was bright and colorful with all of Angel's favorite warm colors. The yellows, pinks, and purples stood out against the sky of the park and Angel giggled, watching the butterfly fly around. It was far from perfect, with wiring sticking out and ribbons trailing as parts came loose, but to her child self it was the best thing in the whole world.

She remembered Jack buying her an ice cream cone and getting ready to leave, saying her mommy had made dinner, better not tell about the ice cream-

"Hey Angel? Angel!" 

Gaige was in front of her, hand on her shoulder. "Hey, are you okay? Roast skag doesn't smell that bad does it?" 

Angel sniffled and wiped her tears, grateful for Gaige's sense of humor. This happened so often, her getting flashbacks or feeling overwhelmed about things others took for granted. Even being outside still felt foreign. "Jack took me to a park and flew kites, when I was little. When he was nice." She swallowed hard. "When I was his daughter, not an experimental weapon."

Gaige listened but never pressured about Jack, for which Angel was relieved. "I'm sorry." Gaige held up her own kite she'd made, for flying in the park by the small fair. "You up to flying?" The kite was a needle stalker that glimmered blue in the sunshine, made by Gaige. She unfolded the wings and spread it out, showing it off to Angel. "Isn't he pretty?" 

"It's beautiful." Angel tried her best at a smile and Gaige casually kissed her. 

"Awesome! C'mon, let's catch the wind with it!" Gaige took off running towards the open field and Angel followed, energy flowing as she sprinted. She caught up to Gaige and handed the spool of cable to her. 

"Hold this and I'll make it soar."

Gaige gave Angel lots of cord to work with until Angel could get a fair distance away. She expected Angel to run and throw it, but instead she conjured her wings and shot up in the air, helping the kite upwards as Gaige let it catch and tried to steer. "Cool!"

Angel hovered by the kite creature for a minute, making sure it was steady before landing next to Gaige. She was still learning boundaries and how to interact with people, but Gaige was easygoing. Angel felt comfortable as she hugged Gaige around her waist and kissed her neck, watching her maneuver the kite. "Thank you."

"I'd make anything for you! It's awesome!" Gaige heard a mechanical noise and turned towards it like a suspicious pet owner. Deathtrap had been a few yards away from them, but had since decided to chase their kite. "Hey! Hey that's not a real stalker!" Gaige groaned. "THE KITE IS A FRIEND! GET DOWN HERE!"

Deathtrap made a sad noise and pawed at the stalker. Gaige veered it out of his reach and he finally floated back down as Angel laughed. Gaige kissed Angel again, leaning into her embrace. "It's good to hear you laugh. Be happy."

They'd rescued Angel from Jack along with the vault key. Angel used quite a bit more Eridium than Lilith but it was possible to help her off of it, keep her safe. Gaige was Angel's first true friend her own age, even if one was a siren and the other built robots. Both had reasons to think the other was far out of their league.

When they were done with the kite Gaige bought them frozen lemonades and churros. "Nothing healthy," she guaranteed, passing them to Angel. "Promise."

The icy, tart lemon flavor made Angel refreshed. She loved trying new foods and loved the cinnamon sugar coated churros even more. "I could eat these every day!"

"Why not?"

"That's the devil talking." They looked around for something more to do, avoiding small kids and stares from people who knew what Angel was.

Gaige pointed so aggressively at a game that Angel almost spilled her drink. "That's a shooting target station! Come on!" 

"Ten shots to hit four loader bots," informed the employee. 

She thrust a few dollars at the employee and sat on a stool, grabbing a carnival gun. Angel stood behind her to observe.

"Don't you actually have like, really bad aim? Cause of anarchy and ricochets or something?"

"No I don't!" Deathtrap made a positive sound and Gaige scowled. "Don't take my girlfriend's side!"

The game started and several cardboard Hyperion loader bots lit up and swirled around. Gaige started shooting plastic balls as fast as possible, groaning as all she managed was a shot to bounce off the wall and knock on the back of a loader. "Damnit!"

"Congratulations! You won a hacky-sack." Gaige was presented with a small vault symbol bean filled bag. 

Gaige stood up and tossed it, sighing. "I wanted to win you the giant panda bear. By you I mean us, cause I'd snuggle it all the time when you weren't looking."

Angel looked up at all the hanging plushies on display and pulled out a few dollars. "I can win that." She took Gaige's seat and focused, only using one bullet ball on each robot. Her mind could easily track their movements and she scored critical hits on all of them. 

Gaige watched with an open mouth. "What?! Not fair!"

"Record time! Take your pick!"

Angel picked the giant panda bear and handed it to Gaige. "I want to try one more time."

She succeeded easily again, brain racing too fast for the game. This time, she picked out a unicorn. Gaige pet it with curiosity. "I didn't think you'd like purple unicorns."

"Jack had one. Only fair I get one too." 

Angel held Gaige's hand. It was such a simple outing, but it meant more to her than Gaige probably realized. They finished with a few rickety bandit rides, getting jostled and flung through a roller coaster and a scrambler. Eventually the afternoon was fading to evening, and the fair was closing too soon. 

"We should go on that," said Angel, pointing to a Ferris wheel. 

Gaige grinned. "Only if you kiss me at the top."


	4. Beach Getaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackothy!
> 
> Sand in uncomfortable places, sunburn, and popsicles where they shouldn't be

Tim wished he could actually enjoy having a rich boyfriend. He'd started from gold digging Jack to actually digging him, realizing he liked Jack's company and affection outside of his job. 

That was the problem- he only wanted Jack outside of work, but work had taken over his life. Jack worked on average 14 hour days and Tim didn't do much better. Any time at home together they were typically too tired to enjoy each other. Jack sometimes broke down and had late night parties with all sorts of substances to escape the stress, but Tim never went.

He tiredly unlocked the door and walked in at 2 AM after having too much work to do keeping an eye on Helios and Elpis and taking out a would-be assassin. Jack snored loudly on the couch and Tim frowned, feet and body aching and a lump in his throat. "Saved your life," he muttered, tossing his identical grey jacket on the floor and working on his waistcoat, noticing a bottle of tequila next to Jack and throwing his coat at it. "Can't even kiss me goodnight." 

Tim knew he had to take action. 

The next morning Jack had his persona back on, spinning in his yellow chair with sunglasses on. If Tim didn't know the glasses were to hide how hungover Jack was, he'd think them stylish. Tim strode in and Jack grinned at him. "Heard you did a pretty nice job last night, killin' that scav assassin. What was his name, Taser Face? Sounds like if- if fuckin' bandits were running out of email addresses! Oh no, badassbloodbath is taken, guess I better settle for taserface@fuckos.net!"

Jack jumped when Tim heavily clanked a bottle of rum on Jack's desk. "I need a vacation, Jack. We need a vacation. Together." Tim smiled, just thinking about what he wanted. "You and me, a sunny beach, lots of good drinks- what's not to like?"

"Sounds great. I think I have a clear spot in my schedule in about three weeks-"

"No."

Tim stood tall. "Jack, I- God. You're so RICH and powerful you could golf for half your life while running Hyperion and no one could stop you, despite a little public ridicule. Point is-" Tim sighed deeply, sorrow and exhaustion clear in his voice. "I can't last three more weeks like this. I need you. To really be my boyfriend. I need to feel like I have a reason to get through our crazy hours. I can't do this."

Jack wasn't used to anyone genuinely standing up to him. He eyed Tim, and the bottle of rum. "Okay. You're right, I'm so rich even I can't comprehend it. Let's go when I can finish up." Tim beamed and Jack got up, pulling Tim into a hug. "I'm gonna spoil the hell out of you. You'll know you have the best boyfriend ever."

"Thank you." Tim grinned. "Oh man, a vacation! You have a favorite spot?"

Jack shrugged. "That's your job! You find a place to go and we'll go, kiddo! Warm, sunny, beautiful beaches gotta exist on a planet close by. Get some drinks, summer clothes, your favorite brand of condoms, you name it."

Tim beamed with happiness. "Yes! Hell yes! I'll go plan our trip right away!"

Planning a trip with unlimited resources was one of Tim's dreams. He found a beach house to rent on one of the islands in the chain next to Wam Bam on Pandora and stocked it with all sorts of luxuries. Hardly anyone ever booked there and Tim couldn't stop himself from feeling excited about a very secluded beach to themselves.

Tim was bouncing on his heels when Jack finally came home. "We're getting a full drink bar! And a beachfront cabin to stay in! And a hot tub! And there's a fancy surf and turf nearby to eat steak and lobster at!"

Jack grinned through his exhaustion. "What're we waiting for? Let's go!"

The fast travel network took them almost directly to the cabin. The rooms were bright and spacious and full of plants and brand new furniture. The wooden floors were smooth and despite the heat outside it was comfortable and cool inside.

Jack, of course, went straight for the alcohol. "You know one of my favorites?" Tim raised his eyebrows as Jack added ice to a tall glass and dumped dark rum with coffee liqueur in it, drinking some immediately. 

"Call me basic, but I like piña coladas."

"Better not like getting caught in the rain too."

"Shut up." Tim mixed his own drink with rum, pineapple, and coconut and even added whipped cream, a cherry, and an umbrella on top. "You literally never stop drinking coffee, huh?"

Jack shrugged. "I know what I'm about." He took a lime and cut it open, squeezing some into his drink. "Better?"

"I guess." Tim drank deeply from his own glass, humming at the sweetness and light warmth he felt.

"Hey." Jack settled his hands on Tim's waist and pulled him close so they were almost nose to nose. "Thanks, Tim. We both needed this." Jack lovingly kissed Tim's cheek and Tim went for his mouth, smiling into their kisses and hugging Jack and grabbing his hair. Jack jutted his hips against Tim and pulled back slightly. "There's a whole beach out there waiting for me to fuck you on it."

"Romantic."

"Come on!"

-~-

"I have sand EVERYWHERE," complained Jack. 

Tim groaned, shifting on their beach towel. His thighs and other regions were covered in itchy, irritating sand. "This was your idea!" He stood up and tried to brush it off, wincing. 

"Guess this calls for a shower! Or a dip in the hot tub."

Tim followed Jack in his swim trunks back to the cabin porch. Sinking his body into the bubbling hot water immediately cured any tension left in his muscles and cleaned the sand right off. Jack brought their drinks over and Tim gratefully sipped his, giving Jack a sweet kiss as they settled in together. "Thank you. It feels so perfect to have you, and just you, here. No Hyperion. Just my boyfriend."

Jack sighed and angled himself better against a massager jet. "This place really hits the spot. Is it deserted for being expensive as hell?"

"Guess so. Wam Bam is more popular and doubles as an actor port for business." Pandoran tropical birds cawed in the distant jungle and Tim sipped down most of his drink. It truly felt like paradise. "Some distance is good from Helios. I forget there's a whole world outside, and I let it get to me."

"Let's do this more often, okay?" Jack traced his finger along Tim's jaw. "Don't want my Timmy getting all depressed on me." 

Tim soaked in the hot water for a little while longer. "I want popsicles."

"Thought you told me you didn't want to suck on anything today." Jack cackled as Tim splashed him. "FINE! Fine! Let's get your ice cream." 

Jack got himself an orange cream popsicle and walked beside Tim on the beach. Their bare feet were warm against the sand dunes and the hardened sand by the waves. Tim idly splashed around with the water up to his ankles, smiling and enjoying his popsicle.

Unless he was showering, Tim never took his watch off. He was typing in the code for his digi-jacks before he could even process why-

The beach rumbled beneath them and Jack and Tim suddenly had a nasty reminder that they were in fact, on Pandora. Not a tsunami, but a creature with too many tentacles burst through the ground with a screech.

"Who needs a hero?" chimed the Digi-Jacks, firing at the thresher. 

A long tentacle limb reached for Tim and Jack and snatched their popsicles. Jack shrieked and ran clumsily through the sand. "Kill it! KILL IT!"

As a testament to who Tim had become, he wasn't scared. In fact, he was mostly annoyed. "THAT WAS MY ORANGE CREAM!" he yelled at the thresher, ducking a swing and pulling a pistol out of his shorts. He took a couple breaths and fired at its weak points, critically injuring it as the holograms finished it off. The thresher collapsed and Tim picked through its remains. "$112! Nice! Ooooh, it ate someone with a purple rarity shotgun!"

Jack, who had definitely not been hiding behind a palm tree, grimaced as Tim looked the monster's body. "This reminds me why I hire vault hunters and aren't one myself. Badass but nasty. Couldn't get that sea goo on my best jeans."

"It's gross sometimes, but it's a living." Tim huffed. "Guess this is why no one wanted to come here. This thing owned the beach."

"I'm gonna sue."

"You're already at war with the whole planet as is, Jack."

"Fine." Jack was frowning and shifting uncomfortably. "Hey Tim? Is my skin irritated?"

Tim looked at Jack closely. His shoulders, arms, and what Tim could see of his face and scalp were bright inflamed red. "That's a really bad sunburn. You didn't wear sunscreen?! I packed some!"

"It didn't do you any good! You're getting cancer!"

Tim's eyes darted to his arms with alarm but then beamed with joy. "Awwww! My freckles are coming back!"

"I've only been in the sun a couple hours, what the fuck????"

Jack was sour as they walked back to the beach house. Tim was proud that he'd put on sunscreen. "I have some nice healing for you. Just be still." Tim soothed Jack as he rubbed aloe vera into his skin. "That feel good?" 

"Yes." Jack was troubled. "I got a sunburn, the tentacle monster ate your popsicles, the fact there was a THRESHER at all on our beach, plus I got sand in your ass area- this is not relaxing. I wanted this to be perfect."

Tim rubbed extra on Jack's back. "It's perfect because I'm here with you, with all of your attention. There's more popsicles in the freezer, and you know how to make it up to me?" Tim kissed Jack carefully where he wasn't burnt. "Let's stay another couple days."

"Alright." Jack kissed Tim's mouth. "Just for you."

"You realized I saved your life again?"

Jack caressed Tim's hip, kissing his neck and being cuddly. "You're good at it. And now I'm gonna mix you an awesome drink, and we're gonna have a great time. Somewhere in the shade.


	5. Summer Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :3 Gen!

Moxxi swayed her hips as she sauntered out into the battlefield, megaphone in hand. She slowly turned so the audience could take in her alluring form from all angles, proudly looking at the rough terrain of rocks and sand dunes she'd set up.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you-" she paused, letting the suspense hang in the air, almost tangible to the Sanctuary crowd. The seats stretched up into the distance of the battlefield, overlooking the entire scene. "The Warriors versus the Destroyers, in a fight to the DEATH!"

Roland, Mordecai, Brick, and Lilith strolled out to the crowd's wild cheers. Lilith's majestic fiery wings were spread wide and made an imposing sight as she floated into the arena. "This won't be a challenge at all!"

So she thought. Moxxi laughed as all six of the new Vault Hunters came out of their own side of the field. "Seeing as you have your abilities, four on six seemed more fair. The more the merrier after all."

Each team wore matching uniforms with either Destroyers or Warriors on them. Everyone was deadpan serious as they observed their opponents, shifting on their feet and getting ready to spring.

A speaker crackled high above and a voice roared, "READY FOR THE MOST ULTIMATE BADASS SHOWDOWN EVER???? IT'S TIME FOR ACTION! DICK JOKES! AND OVERPRICED FOOD!"

Moxxi had absolutely staged Torgue being there, just to give some drama to the event. "I expect our players to go hard and long, Torgue."

"AND WET! SEX JOKES! MOISTUUUURE!"

Perhaps it should be mentioned that the uniforms were in fact swim trunks and bikinis, and that the names of each team were printed across the butt of everyone's shorts. (The exception being Zer0, who had shorts on over his clothes.) Axton threateningly pumped up the pressure on his water gun and Moxxi wiggled her eyebrows at him. 

"I think we'll manage." Maya flexed her fingers and Moxxi looked approvingly at the group of heroes.

[[MORE]]

Torgue needed to yell some more. "FOUR AGAINST SIX? A MECHROMANCER WITHOUT A MECH? AXTON IN THOSE SHORTS? THIS IS A MATCH YOU CAN'T MISS IN THREE, TWO-"

Moxxi vaulted out of the way and shot up a flare. "ONE!"

Mayhem started instantly. There were water guns and crates of water balloons with grenades printed on them around the field. Roland ducked behind a rock and pitched balloons over the center, laying down fire as Mordecai and Brick went to either side, Lilith preferring to fly and zigzag as needed.

Zer0 went invisible and picked up a gun, experimentally sticking a pool noodle on the end of it, squirting water out and making a frowny face on his mask. "How disappointing." He ducked and rolled away, leaving the experimental pool noodle on the ground. Salvador and Gaige fired wildly, going full offense with water guns and a balloon launcher. 

"HOLY SH*T THERE'S SO MUCH HAPPENING!" announced Torgue. "FIREWORKS! EXPLOSIONS! NOW!"

Tiny Tina grinned and ran out into the fray, dodging water and throwing fireworks (and sometimes straight up grenades) in the air. "THIS GONNA BE SOOOO COOL! BOOM! MOXXI LOOOOOVES ME!!"

With explosions and smoke in the air it became harder to see anyone except for Lilith. She dried herself from a barrage of water and fired from above. Meanwhile, Zer0 snuck up on Mordecai and threw a balloon directly at the back of his head. 

"NOT THE HAIR, MAN!"

Maya conjured her power and smirked. "EVERYONE, TARGET LILITH!" She force-pulled the boys into a sphere up in the air with Lilith and watched with satisfaction as her team bombarded them.

"MAYBE MAYA IS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO GET LILITH WET!" hollered Torgue.

Moxxi aimed her megaphone at Roland as he got splashed heavily. "Comments?"

"NOT TRUE!"

"OOOOH!" yelled Tina as the crowd laughed. 

"You're so cute, thinking that worked. Attack!" Lilith pushed hot air out from under her wings, partly drying her team.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! PRETTY LADY MUST BE SAFE! DESTRUCTION TIME!" Krieg bolted to the grouped up team and threw and entire basket of balloons at them, box included. Brick laughed and caught the box in one hand, seeming to think it was more fun to throw it right back than to use his water gun.

Back and forth the fighting went until Moxxi bashed on a gong. "WE HAVE A WINNER!" She stood on the sidelines, holding a remote and grinning at the players.

"Me."

Water sprinklers went off from the ground inside the field as the audience cheered.

"HAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled Torgue. "MY MORALE HAS DEFINITELY GONE UP!"

"Fuck," mumbled Salvador. He still threw his last balloon at Brick, satisfied as it dead on.

Axton high fived Roland as the spectators started to leave. "This was a great idea. People can kind of see how fun we are."

"Indeed. Never thought I'd wear something that said 'Destroyer' on the butt, but it lightened the mood." 

"I like it," said Brick solemnly.

"I have way too good of eyesight for some of this," complained Mordecai. 

The vault hunters changed and got dressed, cheerfully talking among themselves. They had drinks over ice and relaxed in the sun, until Gaige thought it was funny to slip an ice cube down Salvador's shirt.

Just as it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Water Balloons and Fireworks!


	6. Helios Summer Blast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothy with Tie Dye Shirts and Diving Board!

Tim generally loved publicity stunts. They didn't involve much violence, people adored him, and he just had to look pretty.

This particular event was a Hyperion Fun in the Sun summer themed recreation area for youth. It was really more fun in the halogen bulbs. Kids could do arts and crafts, swim in a brand new pool, and play in a turf field, all in response to parents wishing their kids to have normal lives. Maybe even just for themselves to have a bit of home.

Cameras broadcasted the event live all over Helios and the local system, just to show how great Jack was.

"Did you know yellow is my favorite color?" Tim grinned at a little girl as he helped dye a shirt tied in rubber bands. All of the children around him were so starstruck that Handsome Jack wanted to see them, but Tim knew the adults could probably see through him.

He was far too nice.

"Me too!" the girl squeaked. Tim moved to the next child and helped dye their shirt too, being kind and careful. 

Tim had a pre made shirt that he put on, dyed yellow and black in a spiral. "I needed another layer," he joked, getting a laugh out of the adult audience. He posed for cameras and flashed a smile, kneeling close to another kid and asking mundane questions.

If only the pleasantness it could last.

They toured the field after the crafts area, playing some soccer and baseball. Tim did feel slightly bad, deceiving the children, but he didn't have a choice. They'd talk about playing with a soccer ball with Handsome Jack for years not knowing it was Tim.

Tim summoned his holograms and stood opposite the kids on the field. "Okay, try to score! Bet you can't!" 

Yells and uncoordinated scrambling followed as they all tried so hard to get soccer balls from around the field to kick, laughing and cheering each other on. Tim benevolently let one little girl score and he signed her soccer ball, forging Jack's signature best as he knew how. 

After the field, it was the pool.

"And here we have our Olympic sized swimming pool, best money can buy!" Tim winked at the cameras as the group split up by gender to change into swim suits. "Okay kiddos, have fun!" Giggles and shouts rang out and Tim thought he could go home. His bed was already beckoning him and he stifled a yawn as he turned away-

"Heya good-lookin," drawled Jack, calling Tim's Echo.

Oh no. "Hey." Whatever it was couldn't be good. 

"Listen, I already told the camera crew, but you gotta step this up. Make a splash! Take a leap off the diving board to conclude the program with your Digi-Jacks looking badass with you and we'll call it a day. Can't believe you made me look bad at soccer. Gotta end on an awesome note."

Jack abruptly hung up and Tim stared paralyzed into the distance. This couldn't happen. Tim couldn't even get on a ladder without nausea or feeling scared. 

Anxiety spiked through his body and his stomach tensed. Oh god no. 

"Hey 'Jack', real Jack called to tell us you need to put these on, or the next meeting will involve a spoon." A cameraman tossed a pair of Hyperion swim shorts at Tim. "Whatever he means by that. Also told me a lot about his abs."

"I- uh, there's a mistake!" stammered Tim. He took his pants off anyway, frazzled and starting to shake. "I have acrophobia! I can't- I- I can't!" His expression was absolutely stricken and the guard sighed.

"If I didn't have to be worried about the real Jack, who probably would've drop kicked one of those kids, I'd let you go. You have to do this. For all I know, he'll fork you." He paused, looking at Tim with surprise. "You /do/ have nice abs."

Tim grimaced. "Goddamnit." 

"Let's get this tape rolling! Action!" 

When Janey had Tim launched into the air for motivational posters, he'd looked ill in every single shot. Why the hell Jack hadn't learned his lesson, Tim had no idea. 

With televising recorders at several angles, Tim trembled as he climbed up the ladder to the diving board, barely even hearing the kids cheering from around the poolside. The board was ten meters high, but Tim's throat was already closing up as he looked down.

It wasn't the moon.

Gravity was alive and well.

He typed in the code for his holograms and only felt a tiny ounce of comfort. A spotlight shone on him and Tim swallowed, daring to glance down as the world seemed to sway and he went deaf- heart pounding as he forgot how to breathe in absolute panic mood because he was going to die he was a terrible stunt double he would be dead or fired no way out no escape-

His legs buckled under him.

"AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGH!"

Tim jolted awake from his disassociation with a shriek of terror- flailing and plummeting down and screaming hoarsely, eyes screwed shut and screaming again after he broke the surface, wanting to cry and inhaling too much chlorine water. 

Thankfully, he passed out.

He came to with a rough cough, looking the camera man who liked his abs in the eyes.

"No spoons," mumbled Tim, blacking out again. 

It felt like he slept awhile.

"So where do I begin?" A familiar voice said lightly- although any time could be dangerous. Jack stood by his bed, arms folded as Tim blearily opened his eyes. "The passing out, the crying, the general embarrassment you were today? You didn't even show off your fantastic body!"

This was how he would die. "Heights," croaked Tim with a sore throat. "I- I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so- sorry!"

Tim expected a lecture, or a bullet to the head. Maybe a compromise of a punch. 

Jack sighed. "Well, you did what you could. Can't believe I picked the scaredy-cat to go swimming."

"I'm- is it okay?"

Jack shook his head. "You're horrible at this, but the universe really favors your toned ass." Tim watched in a daze as Jack unfolded a huge tie-dyed banner printed with, 'WE LOVE YOU JACK!'. "Everyone couldn't handle the idea you were scared, so they thought you got sick. The kiddies made this for you."

Tim stared at the banner and he sniffled. "For me?" He took it and wiped his eyes, relief setting in. He did something good. It was okay. 

"We didn't want to go for the sympathy card, but you got it. Beloved, good with kids Jack." Jack shook his head, still disapproving. 

"This is so sweet!" Tim hugged the banner to himself and smiled. "Awwwwwwww." 

"No more fainting, okay pumpkin?" Jack still had a hint of growl in his voice.

Tim was too light and happy to care. He hugged the banner to his chest and beamed with joy. "No more heights."

"We live in frickin' space, but fine."


	7. I'm on a BOAT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yachts and Sunscreen- Rhack with a bit of Rhackothy

"This is a no pants allowed zone, Rhysie!" Jack spread his arms out wide as he walked backwards up the ramp from the dock to his yacht. It was, of course, bright yellow with a white stripe around the sides. There were no sails or rigging involved in the sleek design- only a motor engine. "Get some shorts! Speedo! Or nothin' at all!" 

Rhys grinned. "Think I'll just get some swim trunks, okay?" He climbed aboard the yacht, dubbed 'The VIP Deck'. Obviously named by Jack. He kicked his shoes off and was about to make his way down to the sleeping quarters to change when another Jack walked on board. "Uh?"

"Hey good lookin'!" yelled Jack. He leaned on the deck railing and put on shiny reflective sunglasses. "Rhys, meet Tim. I'm paying him to be sober and drive the boat if you or I get too busy being wasted or having hot juicy sex." 

"Uhhhhhh, hi?" Rhys held out his hand and Tim groggily shook it. "No offense, but- I kinda thought I'd be alone with Jack."

Tim scoffed but gave Rhys a genuine, warm smile before going back to sounding dead inside. "Chillax, kid. I've been to Jack's parties, I've seen some things. Nothin' you do will bother me. Especially considering how handsome you are yourself!"

Rhys wished he knew if that was Tim being in character, genuine, or both. He hoped both. 

Jack grinned and winked at Tim. "You got the attitude down today, huh? What exactly did you do all night, eh Timmy? Got a lucky girl? Guy? Other being?"

"The lucky girl I spent all night on was Google, learning how to drive this boat." Tim yawned and climbed in the cabin to look at the controls. "We probably won't die!" 

Rhys didn't have time to doubt him. Jack put his arm around Rhys and led him down a few steps to the cabin and bedroom. "We're gonna have the BEST vacation, Rhysie! Drinks, sunshine, fresh air, you name it." 

"I'm happy." Rhys undressed and changed into swim trunks, showing off his tattoos and basking in Jack's attention. "Think we found the one nice place on Pandora."

"Yeah," agreed Jack. "The ocean. Where the bandits don't live."

Ocean wasn't quite the right word, Rhys thought, as they emerged outside again. Tim already had the boat moving at a steady but leisurely pace, following the coast. They'd actually started in a lagoon, and we're staying close to land. Out there was nothing but jungle and beach and strange bird calls. Aside from the dock they'd had to build to prepare for a boat, there were no buildings or manmade construction areas.

Rhys sighed deeply as the breeze ruffled his hair, cooling him off significantly. Even Jack was quiet as the boat cruised through the water and kicked up waves. Networks of rivers and their tributaries all flowed to the sea, and Tim turned to take them up a wide river to explore more beach. "It's beautiful," said Rhys. 

Jack kissed Rhys's cheek. "Want a drink?"

"It's like, 11 AM Jack." 

"It'll be light, I promise. I can make a girly tropical fruit drink for you."

"Fine. But I don't want to be drunk." Rhys paused. "Yet." 

Rhys waited for Jack, taking in more of the scenery. Water carved cliff sides rose up with even more trees and vines covering them. Rhys turned his Echo implant on and took pictures and scanned plants surrounding them, beaming with pride as he absorbed information. 

An iridescent green bird flew into Rhys's vision and he scanned it, fully focused on reading its entry:

Golden-Headed Quetzal

(Pharomachrus auriceps)

This tropical bird is known for its distinctive golden head and the bright plumage it shares with other Quetzal species. It is generally a quiet bird, but its cry is very distinctive, a-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAUHHG!" screeched Rhys. Something incredibly cold touched his back and he jumped, flailing slightly.

"It's sunscreen! God!" Jack sprayed more on Rhys and rolled his eyes. "Turn around, lemme get the rest of you. Not gonna let a little Pandoran sun ruin our day." 

"Give me a warning next time!" Rhys relaxed and kissed Jack softly, pulling him in and ignoring the scent of the sunscreen. "This is so perfect."

"You're perfect." Jack set the sunscreen down and handed Rhys a glass of light red icy liquid garnished with a lime. "Strawberry daiquiri, with real strawberries. Not enough rum to get drunk, unfortunately."

Rhys gratefully took a sip of the cold drink. "All in good time." He leaned against the railing, enjoying the light sea spray. "Bet you look hot with a tan."

Jack was also shirtless and in swim trunks and had a slight tummy. Rhys didn't mind at all. Jack tossed his head. "Course I do."

As surprised as Rhys had been to have Tim along, he was starting to like him there. He glanced at Tim and back at Jack. "What's Tim like? He seems cool."

"He's a nerd. But he's pretty great." Jack eyed him. "Opened up a vault, and could hold his own with a trained team of hunters. He's hot, he's endearing, and he's got college kid level stamina. Probably the only double I'd allow on my boat."

"Got a crush?" teased Rhys.

"On Tim? Please, it's almost mandatory with what he's got going." 

Rhys let that sink in, thinking about Tim's smile and how he would like to get to know him. However, this date was about Jack. Nice as the landscape was, Rhys was ready for bed. "I think I'll give my exotic bird bingo a rest. This needs to be a no clothing whatsoever zone."

"Read my friggin' mind."

Jack dragged Rhys downstairs so fast Rhys laughed as he followed him, stumbling slightly down the stairs. He ended up in Jack's arms, lightheaded and grinning like an idiot, asking for kisses and hugging Jack close. Their mouths joined and Rhys panted as Jack roughly grabbed his hair, shoving Rhys against a wall and keeping him pinned.

"Bed. Bed bed bed," groaned Rhys, satisfied when Jack steered them over to the mattress and they collapsed on it, about to get to business.

What flirty, graphic talk Jack might've had on the tip of his tongue died in an instant as a loud bang rang throughout the boat as something large smacked the hull. Instead, Jack bolted up from Rhys. "Tim!"

"It's not my name you're supposed to be yelling!" called Tim, unconcerned. 

"Cut the sassitude and tell me what that was!"

Panic killed Rhys's arousal as he followed Jack to where Tim was steering the ship. His heart hammered and he frowned, starting to feel like this trip wasn't such a good idea. "What is it?"

Tim sighed. "It's just debris. I'm gonna turn around and head back towards the coast since the sun is setting. You guys can get back you, you know. Your stuff."

"Sorry Timmy, but whatever you bumped into could've hurt my pretty boat, and my dick isn't in the mood."

"I did a scan and there's no damage!" protested Tim. "I promise!" He pulled up a screen of the ship and the water nearby. "It was just a log."

Jack looked like he wanted to argue and Rhys hugged him around his waist, planning to seduce him out of a bad mood. "Didn't you want some drinks with me? I saw vodka in the cooler. It's your favorite, isn't it? Tim doesn't need to get yelled at."

"Alright, alright." Jack relaxed again and kissed Rhys's cheek. "Back on deck for drinks, then." Tim shot Rhys another smile and Rhys's heart fluttered as his cheeks heated up. Jack's face shouldn't look so sweet.

An hour later and some drinks had real Jack thinking every meme was created equal. 

"I'm on a BOAT! I'M ON A BOAT! TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKIN BOAT!" Jack stumbled slightly as he tried to dab and Rhys doubled over laughing at him.

"I can't believe you're who I've chosen to love!"

Jack looked wounded. "That song's a classic!"

Rhys took a swig of his strong vodka based drink. "Your uh- MOM'S a classic!"

Jack howled with laughter and fell on the deck, hugging his knees to his chest and screeching as he laughed far too long. Rhys joined him on the floor and they grinned stupidly every time they made eye contact. Jack cupped Rhys's face and pet him gently. "I wanna fuck you so hard, babe."

"C'mon." 

Neither made an attempt to move. Rhys felt heavy and delightfully warm. Jack chuckled and Rhys weakly laughed as well, flopping over on Jack. They exchanged bad jokes and embarrassing stories for awhile until Tim walked out with bags under his eyes.

"I don't think either of you noticed, but we're back at the dock and it's sunset and I HAVE to get some sleep. Don't die."

"Mkay princess. Get some beauty sleep." Jack let Tim go and sighed as he held Rhys. "Okay Rhysie. We should go to bed too. The universe has cockblocked me twice today- one with Tim crashing into something, two with this alcohol that tastes too good, so third time's the charm, right?" 

"Hell yes." Rhys helped Jack up and they went back downstairs, unable to stop touching each other and giving each other pecks and kisses. Jack pushed the door open and swore under his breath.

"Fuck. There's only one bed."

Tim was sprawled out fast asleep on the bed, snoring loudly. Rhys was sure he and Jack could fit on the bed beside Tim, but it damped his mood. "I just met him today. We can't do this."

"Maybe Tim's so tired he'll sleep through it?" suggested Jack. 

"NO, that's so awkward!"

"I don't care if he wakes up!"

"I care!" 

Jack sighed. "Maybe we should sleep too, huh? He's in our bed, he knows we have to sleep too. This boat has alarms and hidden turrets if something goes wrong."

"Do we have to stay on Pandora? We digi-structed the yacht here like a few yards from here. We can fast travel back." 

Jack nodded. "We just gotta take Tim with us." He shook Tim, trying to wake him up. "Hey. HEY! Tim! WAKEY WAKEY! TIME TO GO HOME!"

Tim could barely open his eyes. "Hauummmm." He immediately fell back asleep. 

Rhys stepped in. "Poor guy really was up all night, Jack. We can just sleep here. It's like camping!"

"I'm rich. I don't camp!" Jack curled up with Rhys anyway in their bed, Rhys in the middle touching Tim slightly. Jack stroked Rhys's hair. "If you weren't as tipsy as me, I'd suggest a threesome. But yanno. Tim can't even make it to the fast travel station."

Rhys, to his own surprise, actually thought that was a nice idea.

The three slept soundly, and Rhys was the first to drowsily wake up in the morning. He sleepily reached out to Jack and kissed him, mumbling, "Good morning, handsome." He kissed Jack again, wanting to taste more. Jack wasn't responding as usual. "Jack?" 

"Morning Rhysie," said Jack- from behind Rhys. 

"AAAAAH! I'M SORRY!" Rhys leapt out of bed and Tim reached out for where Rhys was, instead pawing at Jack.

"Kisses," muttered Tim. "Felt nice."

Jack sat up and huffed with laughter. "Tim's cute, huh Rhys?"

"It was an accident-"

"I'm not mad! Do you like him?"

Rhys narrowed his eyes. "If I say yes, will you be okay with it? You didn't set this up, did you?"

"No! He was supposed to just be designated driver! I've had a crush on him since I saw him, though. You do too. I just wonder if he feels the same way." Jack shook Tim, this time actually waking him up. "Hey! Is Rhys cute?"

"Hmmhmm." Tim sat up, running a hand through his hair. "We didn't sleep together, right? I don't remember anything. Cause I passed out. Like, didn't sleep for two whole days passed out. Do I get a rain check on it cause I missed out or do I owe some apologies?"

Jack shook his head. "I've had no sex on this yacht and it's APPALLING. So. Nope. Just an invitation to get with us."

That really got Tim awake. "Woah! What?"

Rhys grinned, for once happy about how casual Jack could be. "What he means is, we'll buy you dinner, see how it goes from there. Once we get back to Helios. We all like each other, so why not?"

Tim didn't have to think about it at all. "You had me at 'dinner' and 'you'll buy'."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack gets cockblocked bc I've been trying very hard to keep these all rated T lol


	8. Best Worst Trip Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Road trip and pressed flowers
> 
> Slight Tim/Aurelia followed by Sir Hammerlock!
> 
> It works trust me

Tim would do just about anything for extra cash. He trudged along with the vault hunting group on Elpis, dragging his feet as he thought of his overwhelming debt. Contract, loan, bomb in his face- it couldn't get much worse. Side missions and his paycheck wasn't enough. 

"Peasant!" 

Aurelia sharply interrupted his sulking by waving a parchment scroll in front of his face, in a time where Tim was sure no one else in the galaxy owned a fountain pen, let alone old fashioned scrolls. "Sign this for me, darling. The usual- just take a few little bullets for me as community service. Nothing much!"

Signing meant Aurelia was much more devastating, and Tim supposed he didn't have a choice. "Yes, madam."

Aurelia haughtily left Tim to join the front of the party and Wilhelm fell back to talk to Tim. "What do you think of her?"

"She's the worst person I've ever met!" Tim paused, doing some math. Aurelia was rich. Her upright and uptight posture spoke of high etiquette. Her designer clothes were as perfect and alluring as possible, causing a healthy mix of intimidation and arousal in anyone who faced her. She was probably about on par with Jack as far as attitude- something he could deal with. All of a sudden, Tim was struck by an idea.

"I wanna travel the world with her."

"What?!"

"Listen, she's a horrible person, but she's a baroness." Tim scrambled to find more attractive things about her. He could make this work. "She has high fashion sense, and if she liked me? I'd thank her for stepping on me."

"Ugh!" Wilhelm groaned. "Keep that in your pants!" 

The team, mainly Athena, turned to glare at Tim and Wilhelm. Tim reacted with a laugh and winked at them. "Just talkin' about hot ladies- or rather," Tim said, looking directly at Aurelia. "Cool ladies."

"How vulgar!" she exclaimed. Tim had an inkling that he might've offended her, but that was quickly dismissed. "Flatter me more, peon."

So it began.

For weeks, Tim flattered Aurelia and treat her exactly as she asked, to the disgust of the rest of the party. Her ladyship this, madam that. Even Nisha was about to kinkshame Tim.

"Listen Tim, this is getting out of hand." Nisha lounged across from Tim at Moxxi's bar in Concordia, neon lights illuminating the room. They were sharing a pizza with the rest of the party. "You can't go around licking boots if you haven't banged. Have you even kissed?!"

Tim smiled with overly starstruck eyes, knowing the huntress was tuned in. "We almost held hands once, but then she got embarrassed. Something to do with my tiny bank account."

"It's so small," sniffed Aurelia.

"That's what she said!" exclaimed Claptrap.

Amid the groans and pleas for Claptrap to be quiet, Tim said, "Well, I'll still do anything for Aurelia." Aurelia took it gratuitously, per usual. She snapped her fingers and Tim leapt out of his seat to take her coat and fold it on the chair, standing by to personally refill her drink. 

Tim was determined to not give up. Even after opening the vault, he wanted to follow her. "Where will our next adventure be, baroness?"

Aurelia tossed her strikingly white streaked hair. "Pandora. It's where I'd be on holiday right now, had that Zarpedon not delayed my flight!"

Calling all of the events since meeting on Helios a mere flight delay was the understatement of the year. Tim made no comment, hoping to gain enough favor to make off with a few thousand dollars of her pocket change. 

And to get away from Jack.

"We shall go in my luxury cruiser." Aurelia led Tim to a digi-struct station, pulling up a sleek vehicle that resembled a revamped RV. "If you are to join me, you shall clean and polish all of my sniper rifles, and do anything that involves kneeling, such as changing tires or getting gas. Understood?"

"Of course, your ladyship."

This was it. Tim knew he needed to up his game and got a tiny bundle of pressed flowers from a shop in Helios to save for a special occasion. He could woo like no one else.

At first, Tim thought everything was going smoothly. Aurelia directed him on where to drive, visiting the arctic circle of Pandora. Tim accidentally hit a few bullymongs, but he didn't mind too much. They reminded him of kraggons.

"Stop!" Aurelia had Tim park in the middle of a glacier canyon. "There is rumor of a legendary creature here. A rarity." She pulled out a sniper rifle and scoped out the area, focusing on a small cave almost hidden by ice walls. "There!"

Tim peered as best he could at where she was looking. "Awwwwwwwww!"

A glimmering Pegasus was eating snow off of the ground. Its body was translucent and it made no attempt to run, as if it had never seen humans before. Tim had an overwhelming urge to pet it and feed it icicles as it shook its pretty silver mane. 

Bang!

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?" screamed Tim, mortified as Aurelia smugly lowered her sniper, ignoring the cry the animal made as it fell dead to the ground. She walked to it and took a selfie before harvesting hair and fur.

"Why? Because I CAN! Haven't you learned anything about me? Reload this!" she tossed the gun at Tim, and Tim sadly cleaned and reloaded as she continued her road trip for murdering innocent creatures. Tim might run bullymongs over, but he wouldn't go into a den just to shoot babies.

Aurelia thought it was the funniest past time.

A week into their trip and Tim was seriously contemplating murder, as opposed to only sort of contemplating murder in all his waking hours. Aurelia's perfume fermented the entire car with icy freshness, and the laundry she unashamedly had Tim fold overpowered him with fabric softener.

She even had him wash his clothes separate, and sleep on the couch. 

"We're supposed to be dating!" protested Tim, gazing at her oversized curtained bed with jealousy.

"Darling, even married people sleep on the couch. Bye-bye."

"We have an important stop to make," she announced. "I must see my brother. I fear he has forgotten me, and our signature family pride."

Tim grimaced, looking up from scrubbing the floor. 'Ten thousand dollars' was all he could repeat to himself, in hopes she'd pay well. "You have a brother?"

"Yes. He's apalling!"

A level of fear Tim didn't even know existed shot through him. Aurelia? A brother? 

They pulled up to the small remains of a ghost town, little houses even smaller than Aurelia's caravan. Tim followed her up a snow covered hill when a bullet whizzed past him. He ducked for cover, diving down as more gunshots rang out.

"Oh Alistair, don't be like that!" Aurelia was blissfully unconcerned as more shots rang out.

"HOW DARE YOU? TOLD YOU TO NEVER COME NEAR ME EVER AGAIN!" screamed a voice Tim knew.

In that instant, Tim made a split second decision.

"STOP IT, AURELIA!" Tim whizzed past her and stood between the shooter and her. "We're done! Goodbye! Leave this man alone!"

Aurelia put her hands on her hips. "You still have so much time until my contract says I have to pay you! Surely we can stay together until then!"

"No, okay?" Tim threateningly put his hand on his pistol holster. "This was all a mistake! You're a horrible person, I watched you shoot a unicorn, and from the four sentences I've ever heard your brother say, I like him much better than you! So leave!"

Aurelia scoffed. "Fine, be that way. You and Alistair deserve each other. Have fun dying in debt without healthcare or food stamps!"

Tim watched her leave and winced. "God, that was close to home."

A gun clicked next to his ear, and Sir Hammerlock spoke calmly. "I may be a horrendous shot, but I think you'll be dead if I pull this trigger. So tell me, why do you look exactly like Handsome Jack, and how did you meet my sister?"

"I'm a body double. I was tricked into surgery when trying to pay off student loans. Two, Aurelia was part of our group up on Helios who opened a vault on Elpis." Tim sighed. "I've made a lot of poor choices."

"Indeed. What do you think of my dearest sister?" Sir Hammerlock still sounded hostile, and Tim didn't blame him.

Tim wrinkled his nose and groaned. "She's a total BITCH. And she likes being called that! I tried to get with her to get some of her fortune. Didn't work, obviously. I hate her guts, by now. Lesson learned."

Sir Hammerlock sighed. "Yes, that's accurate. I still don't understand much about you. Have we met before?"

"Over the phone, actually!" Tim grinned, thanking his lucky stars he remembered the errand Sir Hammerlock had needed. "Your ex boyfriend had me mail you tentacle monsters from the moon."

"Oh yes, you met Seymour! Oh I'm so sorry, apologies! How can I point a gun at the man who got me threshers!" His entire demeanor changed for the better, shoulders relaxing and slight smile on his face. "I remember now! Those critters got rather big, you know. One descendant gave me a new arm and leg against my will."

Tim finally got a good look at Sir Hammerlock. His glasses and plumed hat said baron, but the cracked lenses and athletic vest and boots said outdoorsman. He had a prosthetic arm and leg, and Tim felt slightly guilty. "Oh god, I'm so sorry."

"Nonsense! I met a new creature! That's my dream after all. Discovery! Science! Losing limbs is merely an occupational hazard." 

Tim felt a sort of warmth in his chest blossom. Sir Hammerlock was one of the few people he'd met in months that he genuinely liked. And, as his brain pointed out, Sir Hammerlock did like his gender. Unlike what he wanted from Aurelia, Tim wanted to know Sir Hammerlock, spend time with him, do anything together. 

Sir Hammerlock was talking to Tim. "Sorry you couldn't get anything out of your dreadful interactions. I could've told you she pays people just about never."

"Well," Tim triumphantly held up a bright blue wallet. "I'm a vault hunter. I do what I have to do, and I'm now on the run from Jack. Would you, uh, mind if I stuck around?"

"No- but I must warn you, if you're after money, I live modestly, without our family blood money. It'll be a waste of time attempting to get a fortune from me."

Tim smiled. "No, because I actually like you."

Sir Hammerlock hesitated. "You do seem nice, but I have to say. Your surgery won't work charms on me. In my eyes, looking like Jack is downright ugly."

Even Tim couldn't have predicted the effect it had on himself. Relief and lightheadedness swept through him, leaving him beaming. "No one has called me ugly since my surgery! I hate Jack!"

"In that case, going by personality it is!"

They made small talk about Pandora and Elpis and books they wanted to work on. Tim found himself wishing the day was longer just to talk about creatures and food and even recent ECHONet shows. He learned Hammerlock was stranded on the glacier because of a Captain Flint, and Tim was willing to take him down in a heartbeat.

Still, Tim wanted romance. Wanted to prove he actually wanted to invest and be around for a relationship.

Tim had been carrying around his pressed flowers for Aurelia, but now knew they were for a different Hammerlock. The flowers were still a vibrant blue even after being in his pocket so long and he set them beside Sir Hammerlock's bed with a small note:

A poem to ask you to wine and dine  
Because I think you're pretty fine

I'm really sorry about your sister  
She's as charming as a blister

Nothing happened I swear  
Even though she made me wash her underwear

I know how much I look like Jack  
I'd do anything for my old face back

I can't say it but my name is Tim  
Please date me, even on a whim?

Later that morning, Sir Hammerlock came out of his bedroom, dressed with one of Tim's flowers in a pocket of his vest. He approached Tim, who was making a pot of coffee. "If you get us to Sanctuary, we just might be able to eat somewhere decent."

Tim's heart leapt. "My poetry isn't half bad, huh?"

"You should've heard how once of my exes wrote. Called two pages a novel!" Sir Hammerlock adjusted his glasses as he looked at Tim, as though evaluating him. "By the way, I'd much prefer you call me Alistair."


	9. Unfair Advantage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EDIT so like my copy paste messed up and like none of this chapter posted fuck I'm sorry
> 
> Hot dogs

"There's a hot dog eating contest at the Hub of Heroism. I must go."

Tim had learned that Wilhelm usually declared what he was doing, rather than mesh plans or invite him along. Tim raised his eyebrows, looking up from the local Craigslist odd jobs. "Really?"

Wilhelm nodded, standing up and already going out the door. "The prize is $200. Easy money."

There was nothing else to do. "I'll come along. Moral support, or whatever." Tim usually used Wilhelm as someone to hide behind in combat, but he wanted to get to know him. Get some personal information. "So, you like hot dogs?" 

"No."

"Oh. Okay." 

Tim awkwardly followed him to the center of the space station, past vendors in the cafeteria to a small hot dog stand. Wilhelm gave no introduction before sitting at the table. "I'm ready."

"Alrighty! We're just about to begin!" The store employee cheerfully set hot dogs out and Wilhelm didn't even hesitant before starting.

Tim was going to bet Wilhelm could eat twenty. Wilhelm was bulky. A badass. He could digest more than average, but Tim had reason to doubt his abilities. Wilhelm ate just about the same calories everyone else did. There was no reason for him to be unhealthy.

God, was Tim wrong. 

Ten. Twenty. Thirty. Forty, somehow. Fifty. Fifty-four.

"Aaaaaaaand, the winner is Wilhelm! Congratulations, sir!" A camera flashed and Wilhelm grimaced, accepting the money and leaving abruptly.

Tim followed him out, stomach full of sympathy. "Oh my god. That. How did you do that????"

Wilhelm grunted. "I managed."

"That was genuinely terrifying, dude."

"I have a stomach of steel."

Tim snorted. "Damn, you must."

Wilhelm waited until they were out of the food court of the Helios mall. "You don't understand. I have a stomach of steel."

"Yeah, it's an expression-" Tim's mouth fell open. "Now wait just a minute, you don't mean? It's not human?"

Wilhelm shook his head, a sly smile on his face. "Nope. Knew I could win. I process food much faster, and can store more." He winced. "I do, however, need to urgently use the restroom." 

Tim groaned. "Oh gross, I'll leave you to it."

Wilhelm hesitated before going into the men's room. "My stomach isn't the only thing that's robotic, you know."

A wave of heat crashed over Tim. God, he didn't want to think about Wilhelm like that. Images of exotic, huge cybernetic dicks filled Tim's mind and he flushed bright red. No. No no no. It didn't matter how hot that was. Or bizarre. He couldn't ask. "I- I uhhhhhh, ummmm, I mean-"

"It's my liver. And my kidneys are enhanced as well." Wilhelm grinned at Tim's blush, knowing full well where Tim's mind was. "I'll win any drinking contest too." 

Tim buried his face in his hands as Wilhelm left. He couldn't believe he'd walked into that one.


	10. An Abundance of Jacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer Camp and Catching Hermit Crabs
> 
> Jackothy!

This had to be the worst idea ever.

Tim stood on a podium in front of twenty other Jacks- all body doubles with their digital disguises. He put on his best grin and said, "Welcome to summer camp! This week of training is for you to become the best body doubles you can be! The only rule is that you must stay in character the entire time! Whoever can't convince me at the end will be killed." There was absolute silence until Tim chuckled. "Kidding guys, kidding."

The camp area was by a lake with little cabins and a field that would be paradise if Tim could relax. The ocean wasn't too far away, making the breeze fresh and the water slightly salty. 

The others knew he was a double. Everyone had to wear a tag with a number so he could begin to figure out who was even who. For a whole week, Tim had to give lessons about Jack and coach all of his little Jacklings on how to be even worse people than they already were. He had a history lesson on Jack on day one. 

"Okay kiddos, time for a pop quiz about your favorite subject- ME." Tim hated the sound of his own voice and how creepy it was to have a crowd of Jack's staring back at him in a classroom. "Who can tell me the first person Jack ever strangled?" 

Jack 4 raised his hand. "The Meriff!"

Tim shook his head. "That was a shooting! I specifically mean strangling!"

Jack 1 stood up with a coy smile that made Tim barely not roll his eyes. "It was Tassiter, former CEO of Hyperion, teach. May I just say, you look absolutely handsome today?" 

The class laughed softly and Tim sighed. Of course a fanboy had gotten in. "I'll have you know, Jack has never made it explicitly clear he's bisexual."

"Oh please." Jack 1 winked at Tim. "I'm pretty sure he's Jacksexual."

Tim gave one of the first of many deep sighs he'd have at summer camp. If only it had been an isolated incident. Jack 1 kept it up:

"I don't have a gag reflex."

"Have you ever tasted $500 alcohol?" 

"What do I got to do to get a detention with you, handsome?"

Tim sighed more than breathing, apparently. He shifted in front of Jack 1, wishing yet again he'd not flirt in front of the whole class. "I get it; you're my biggest fan! You get an A+ for narcissism." 

Jack 1 pouted, face and attitude drooping. "Come on, what if I mean it? You're- you're really great. Love to eat you out- I mean take you out to eat sometime."

Tim evaluated his options, especially as his suspicion grew. He knew it was Jack's biggest fan. Jack 1 could be a problem, or could be very, very entertaining. Between the games of paintball and classes, Tim could use some relief. 

May as well screw with him back.

"Jack, Jack, Jack." Tim smiled with apparent sympathy, relishing the surprise on everyone's unnervingly identical faces. "Don't you know that I, as Jack, would only fuck something gorgeous as you if you were in a cowgirl hat? That's my most basic fetish. Try again, sweetie." 

Tim wasn't disappointed.

The next day, after a two minute lesson about never ever talking about Jack's family, Jack 1 showed up late in a dark red, fancy cowboy hat. He struck a pose by Tim and grinned. "Turned on?"

If Tim had to describe his relationship with cowboy hats, it wild involve words like "strongly disagree" and "nope". However, he had a game to play. "Jack, please. You poor thing. First you miss my entire lesson, then you show up in your regular clothes with that hat?! Not sexy. Gotta go all or nothing."

Jack 1 lingered his hands over his waistcoat. "I personally vote nothing, if you catch my drift."

Quick on the draw, Tim had to admit, yet again shutting Jack 1 down. Somehow he took up more of Tim's attention than the rest of the Jacks put together.

Tim retired to his own tent away from the Jack horde. It had been two days into camp and he was ready for it to be over. His phone dinged as he scrolled the ECHONet and his face burned bright red at the picture he opened.

Jack 1 was completely naked except for the 1 nametag in his mouth. The camera was angled horizontally, showing Jack lounging on top of his sleeping bag, the picture taking Tim's eyes down his broad chest to just the tip of his dick before the picture cut off.

Jack 1: I have a private tent too ;)

Tim was definitely sure he knew who Jack 1 really was. But it was more fun to pretend.

Tim: You know we're IDENTICAL, right? I got the same view. It's a nice view, but come on. How aroused can I be from what I see in the mirror? 

Jack 1's response was a close up of his dick, hard and slightly leaking. It was decent size, and the soft lighting did make it look rather appealing.

Jack 1: Tell me you can look in a mirror right now and also got this goin' on. Then we'll talk.

Tim: Mine's cuter.

Tim didn't want to drag it out, falling asleep as Jack 1 likely asked for nudes.

He stopped doing much teaching of any kind, preferring to have the Jacks just practice acting while Jack 1 tried so hard to win Tim's favor. "I'd do anything to be with you. What can I get you?"

Chocolate. Cat plushies. Books. Hard alcohol. Tim received gifts at least twice a day. He was starting to run out of ideas.

Jack 1 was yet again trying to get him presents. "Let daddy spoil you, handsome. On my knees or however you like."

Tim thought for a moment. "Hermit crabs."

"What?"

"They're cute." Tim grinned. "Catch me a couple hermit crabs."

"What the fuck." Jack 1 still left, apparently in search of a hermit crab by the sea. It was a couple miles to walk there, and Tim could finally get the others to focus on their Jack-ting. 

Tim was leading a parade of swaggering Jacks when Jack 1 got back, holding a box with the lid slightly closed. He was soaked in water up to his stomach and his feet and ankles were caked with sand. "I got your fucking crabs."

"Awww." Tim approached him and took the box, smiling at the three little animals inside. "Hey there sweethearts, I have food for you!" He looked up at Jack with doe eyes. "Can you get me a tank? And stuff to set up a little home for them? Please? Like a 20 gallon tank?"

Jack 1 sighed. "I'll order it."

Again, identity confirmed. Tim abandoned the lesson to coo at his pets and feed them, putting mossy rocks from outside in the box as well to give them a little environment. 

The tank and all the supplies Tim needed arrived just a few hours later. He gleefully put together his humidified tank and made the little crabs a habitat, hoping they'd be ready to hold and play with soon.

"So, have I earned your love?"

Jack 1 was trying so much. Tim turned from the tank to him. "You've been remarkably sweet. Thank you." 

"Can I suck your dick?"

Tim huffed. "I don't know, can you?

"TEACH, come on!" Jack 1 grinned. "Come on baby, tell me how to finally get into those expensive pants of yours."

"I'm really craving-"

"TIM." Jack 1 crossed his arms. "Yes or no. It's been a week. Babe. Come on."

Tim smirked. Oh. He KNEW it. "I knew it had to be your biggest fan." He jumped up and down, laughing. "I KNEW IT WAS YOU! Oh Jack, come on. No one else wants to fuck you this hard. No one else is so rich who'd buy stuff for me like this at the drop of a hat. You must've gotten super express shipping on my hermit crab home."

Jack 1, or simply Jack, groaned. "Fuck. Can't believe I gave it away!"

"Why go through all this trouble?" Tim leaned on his desk, watching Jack. "No mystery or theatrics were needed. I thought maybe you just wanted to watch your new doubles, but you never paid attention to anyone but me."

"I know how you feel about you job, kiddo." Jack got close to Tim, cautiously putting his hands on Tim's hips and rubbing him gently. "I wanted to see if you liked me without knowing I was the real one, but I blew it."

Tim liked the softer side of Jack, trying to make him happy and give him anything he wanted. It was sweet. It was a change. "Would you still be so generous and affectionate if I said yes? This isn't to get me in and then you're gonna neglect me, right? I worry this is for show and you don't actually want me."

"Woah. Timmy." Jack stroked Tim's cheek, pleased when Tim angled his head into the touch. "I'm not even started." Jack kissed Tim's jaw, pulling their bodies flush and hot against each other. "I want to spoil you, make you feel so good you scream. I want to be the ultimate boyfriend. I want it all."

Tim licked his lips. He'd wanted to say yes from the start, preferring to pretend he didn't know it was the real Jack. If he was truly going to be living on top of the world with Jack as an attentive boyfriend, he couldn't wait. "There's one thing you haven't blown."

"What's that, pumpkin?" Jack's eyes lit up with hope.

"Me."

Jack chuckled, delight spread across his face as he got down on his knees, tugging down Tim's zipper. "With pleasure." 

-~-

The final day of camp, which Tim and Jack had barely participated in, had a final report at the end, a contest, to see who was the best Jack. 

The Jack Off.

Tim was back on his podium, looking at the crowd. "I'm glad to announce all of you have learned to pass enough as Jack! However, I need to give an award to the best of you."

Jack himself raised his hand, lazily standing up and adjusting his jacket. "Hey princesses- it's me. The actual Jack. I've banged the teacher. That's all I gotta say. Good luck being professional posers!"

And then, something magical happened. 

"No! I'm the real Jack!" Jack 8 stood up, hands on his hips. "You all know me! CEO, badass, blah blah, read the autobiography."

"WOAH. Um, I'm the real fucking deal-" Jack was soon drowned out by other Jacks all rising up.

Jack 15 bolted up, angrily pointing at Jack. "You're a double! I'M the important one!"

"I'm Jack!" yelled Jack 7.

Jack 10 threw a chair. "No, I am you assholes!" 

Tim roared with laughter at the chaos, only calming down when he ran out of breath. "Okay, OKAY! The best Jack is-" he paused relishing the silence. 

"Jack 10!"

Jack's mouth dropped open as 10 was congratulated by the group, swarming around and being rowdy. "TIM."

Tim grinned and hugged Jack, stifling giggles in his jacket. "That was incredible!"

"First my dick isn't cute, then I'm not the best Jack?" The level of offense taken by Jack made Tim laugh harder. "What's it take???"

"Don't worry." Tim kissed Jack full on the mouth. "I have a way for you to earn extra credit back in my bedroom."


	11. Good Old Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BBQ and Toasting Marshmallows! Bit of Roland/Lilith

The campfire crackled as Lilith, Roland, Mordecai, Brick, and Claptrap huddled around it in the outskirts of the ghost town of Firestone. Mordecai drank beer next to Brick, head drooping dangerously low. Lilith sighed. "Shame there's nothing to eat but skag out here. It's like chicken, but somehow more depressing."

Brick grunted. "Not quite." He pulled a bag of marshmallows out from his backpack. "Anyone want some?"

"YEEAAAAH!" Claptrap made a dive at them but Brick held it high up.

"I meant people with stomachs!"

"Let's toast them!" Roland picked up a few sticks and took the bag. "Can't believe you've been holding out on us man."

At last, things were looking up. The four had become fast friends, and any bit of comfort was welcome.

Lilith grinned as Roland started distributing marshmallows to everyone on skewers. "Have you guys ever played chubby bunny?"

"I'm gonna WIN!" Claptrap was so excited he caught his marshmallows on fire, wildly waving them around.

Brick nodded. "Let's up the stakes. You have to eat them within ten seconds of toasting them."

"Bring it!" Lilith toasted hers and grinned as the other three hunters did the same. Claptrap took the time to shove the burnt marshmallows he had somewhere inside his robot body

"WUBUBUBUBUBUBYYY BUNNY!" warbled Claptrap, electricity fizzling from his head as he collapsed on the ground. 

Roland huffed. "I think we all just won." He dared to take one marshmallow in his mouth. "Chubby bunny!"

Mordecai took one and spat it out. "Ew!"

Brick growled at him, taking three at a time. "CHUUHHUHH BUUUUEH!"

Lilith laughed. "Fire cannot kill a dragon!" She took five at once. "CHAAAH BUUUH!"

"Hmmph." Roland crammed a handful in his mouth, about to try and say the line before a skag charged the camp. "AAAYUGHHHHPMMMFFFFF!"

Roland and Lilith spewed marshmallows from their mouths even as Roland's turret took out the skag. Brick and Mordecai laughed at the marshmallow messes on Lilith's chest and all over Roland's pants and shoes. Mordecai set his beer down with a strong thunk and snorted. "If Moxxi was here, I'm sure she'd know how to get those stains out." 

Brick was efficient and swallowed his sugary ball of half melted marshmallow whole. "I win!"

Lilith leaned against Roland, both exchanging winded grins. "Oops."

"Guess what we're having for dinner?" Roland gestured to the skag body.

"Noooooo."

Roland dragged the skag over and took out a knife. "Don't think of it as skag! It's uhh, smoked pulled barbecued meat, with, um, caramelized with uh, sweet sauce?"

Mordecai groaned in time with Bloodwing letting out an angry squawk. "You are NOT putting marshmallow on skag. I'll kill you."

Lilith put her head on Roland's shoulder. "He's right. So let's just call this, uh. Smoked pulled open flame barbecued, uh-"

"-Southwestern homestyle chipotle-" added Mordecai.

"-Fresh killed," growled Brick.

"Gluten free, all natural skag," sighed Roland. "Wish all those adjectives made it taste better." 

Lilith kissed his lips. "That better?"

"A little bit."

Brick blinked and looked at Mordecai. "Do you actually have chipotle?"

"Dude, no. But bitches love chipotle. Say it's chipotle and they eat it. Cilantro. Bay leaves. BOOM. In love."

"But no chipotle?"

"Nope."

Brick grunted and slammed his fists into the earth. "GodDAMNIT!" 

Roland snuck a kiss on Lilith's cheek as he barbecued pieces of meat. "I hope some things never change."

"Except I really want chipotle. Our lack of chipotle or any seasoning could change."

"I dunno." Roland grinned and shifted, like he was about to dodge an oncoming punch. "I think you've got plenty of salt for all of us."


	12. Nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picnic and bubble blowing with kid Angel being happy and Jack

Jack helped Angel out of their car, shielding his eyes from the bright sunlight. The park was roomy and dotted with old trees, leaves providing cool areas to settle in. "Come on sweetie, wanna sit in the shade?"

"Yay! Picnic!" Angel grinned happily at Jack, a couple stubborn stray strands of hair in her face making her all the more endearing. She was in a bright yellow shirt with a dinosaur on it of Jack's choosing, and jean shorts of her choice. She was only four, but Jack had already taught her how to read. 

He had a lot of high hopes for his daughter.

"That's right!" Angel ran ahead to a huge tree and let Jack follow with a picnic basket and a blanket, laying everything out as Angel ran around. "Aren't you gonna eat, pumpkin? I made you tuna salad! You love tuna!"

Angel plopped down, somehow already with grass stains on her legs. She took a bite of sandwich and asked through food in her mouth, "Why is it tuna salad if it's a sandwich?"

Jack thought about telling her to not eat with food in her mouth, but elected to ignore it. "It's tuna salad ON a sandwich. You can make anything a sandwich."

"Are lettuce wraps sandwiches or salad because of lettuce?" 

He smiled at her question. She asked a lot, but Jack did his best to humor her. "It's boring, is what it is." 

The giggle he got out of her was worth it. 

Jack worked almost all the time, at home or at his office, busy with multiple coding projects. He knew Angel hated being in the house so much. Her mom worked too, and Jack was trying to spend more time with Angel. She'd sit on his lap and insist he teach her how to code, so she could work with him too. 

"Angel, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

She seriously thought for a moment and raised her arms in the air. "A BIRD!"

Smart, but still four. 

"Okay, okay." Jack kissed the top of her head. "You're already my princess, so you can be whatever you like!"

Angel ate the rest of her food and Jack leaned back against their tree. He took out a bubble machine from the basket, grinning as Angel started jumping up and down. "BUBBLES! BUBBLES!"

"Just for you." Jack set it flat on the ground and poured bubble solution into it, switching it on so several bubble wands rotated through the bubble soap as a fan blew underneath, sending bubbles into the air. The breeze carried them and Angel chased them with a scream of happiness, clapping her hands and running around wildly. A few other kids came around and Angel let them play in the bubbles too, despite Jack's scowl. He blew a few large ones for Angel to chase and kept the bubble maker full, pleased that she had so much energy.

In the years to come, it'd be one of Angel's happiest, bittersweet memories.


	13. Double Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River rafting! This is my final bingo prompt, unless I get another bingo card. Thank you all SO much if you've read this far! I wanted to give a lot of ships and non smutty prompts some tries. Thank you.

Janey cracked open a cold apple cider, taking a sip and passing it to Rhys. "You'd think your arm could open these."

"Only if you wanted it to shatter!" Rhys accepted his cider, and leaned back in their raft. Vaughn, Athena, Janey, and Rhys lazily floated down a river, slow and easy. Athena was up front, still hanging onto a paddle in case of any rapids. "What a nice day, huh?"

"You bet." Vaughn's shirt was long discarded and he lounged in the sunshine. He had reflective sunglasses on and was content to lay with his head on Rhys's lap. "Pandora almost seems normal."

Athena kissed Janey gently, turning her eyes back to the river. "Don't drink too much, okay? The only person I'll fish out is my wife."

"Awwwwwwww." Janey grinned and drank more. "Good to know." She put a waterproof camera on her head, attached like a headlamp. "This is gonna be good!"

The raft drifted downriver, under trees and bright puffy clouds. Janey passed around a bag of chips and it was completely peaceful.

For about twenty minutes. 

Athena narrowed her eyes, sensing turbulent water. "Grab your paddles and get to the edges of the raft, follow my lead!" The raft began bobbing up and down, picking up speed. "Rocks to the right! Go left!"

Vaughn pushed water as strong as possible, concentrating hard with an excited grin. "Come on Rhys! Get across from me!"

Wild waves several feet high shot the raft up into the air. Janey, Athena, and Vaughn hung on but Rhys flew out with a scream, flailing and falling into the river. "AAAAAUGH!"

"RHYS!" Vaughn threw a rope but Rhys hit his head hard on a rock, getting dunked under by the current. Cold water rushed into his lungs, and he blacked out.

Rhys woke up on the ground, dirt all over himself. Vaughn stood over him, paddle and a cider in his hand. "You okay?"

Rhys groaned, foot throbbing and head hurting. "I should be used to this." He blinked tiredly and eyed Vaughn. "Not a scratch on you, bro."

"Yeah. It was fun!" Vaughn offered him a drink and sat Rhys up. "Athena and Janey kept going downriver." Vaughn swept his soaking wet hair back off his face. "Check your ECHOmail."

Rhys ignored his headache to open a photo sent from Janey's camera, of Vaughn and Athena laughing and having a great time and of Rhys's body just starting to fly out of the boat. "Flattering."

"You're sure you're okay?" Vaughn sat next to Rhys, cautiously parting his hair to look at his head. "That doesn't look good."

"Yeah." Rhys put his arm around Vaughn. "You know what? Means I get to do this." He leaned close and tried to kiss Vaughn, accidentally bumping his forehead on a tree with an exhausted groan as Vaughn laughed. "Why you gotta be so SHORT?"

"Don't worry, I got you." Vaughn kissed Rhys lightly. "I'm pretty sure double dates usually end like this anyway."

"Huh?"

"Well I'm sure Janey and Athena like the privacy." 

Rhys sent Janey his coordinates and sighed, content to nestle with Vaughn. "They're on their way. With the alcohol."

"Thank god." 

Vaughn held Rhys's hand and squeezed it. "I'm so happy I have you, Rhys. You're everything to me. After all that's happened. It's a miracle either of us are alive."

A smile ghosted Rhys's face. "That's so sweet bro, but you're holding my cybernetic hand and I don't feel a thing." 

Their eruption of laughter echoed through the jungle, a perfect end to a summer trip.


End file.
